Open Book News

THE WALLFLOWER CONFESSIONS

7. Why do other writers seem so confident?

Sorry about the outburst of full-frontal bi-polar a few days ago. I realize I am sounding like the Canadian Bridget Jones (“157 lbs, 14 Matinee Slims, 7 Rye and Gingers, pack of President’s Choice Mac and Cheese, 6 butter tarts, ½ Nanaimo bar and a diet Coke.”).

Still no word from the Radio Personality. Does the CBC think new writers in the country are mentally balanced and are not taking their slights personally? That we, in fact, have busy, vibrant lives and do not sit home waiting to be called for interviews.

What kind of drugs are those people on?

I know, it’s not about them. This is about my insecurity. There are writers (I have overhead them talking) who seem to be entirely confident of their own abilities, without any need for public confirmation. I’m not one of those. I secretly wonder if anyone really, truly in their heart-of-hearts believes that they are The Shit, you know. I think that some of us are just better actors than others. I suspect that I am, in fact, comparing my inner self to the outer selves of others. No good can come of that.

Excuse me, I think that’s my phone…

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