Trillium Book Awards Author Reading 2015

Michael -vs- Blog

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Michael - Blog?

Blog - Yes, Michael?

Michael - I feel like I've been neglecting you.

Blog - I don't feel neglected.

Michael - Just, hear me out for a sec.

Blog - I'm a bit busy.

Michael - STOP TREATING ME LIKE I AM NOT IMPORTANT TO YOU!

(BLOG slowly takes a seat, making itself available to Michael)

Michael - THANK-YOU.

Blog - What's on your mind?

Michael - It's just ... when I first started to write on you, I was so full of hope. So excited about it.

Blog - And now ...?

Michael - Well, I don't know. Today it feels almost like a bit of a chore.

Blog - I see.

Michael - No you don't. You don't even care.

Blog - Of course I care.

Michael - Well you don't ACT like you care.

Blog - What does that mean?

Michael - Well, like, for instance, I wrote that blog post about that crazy panel that I had to moderate, and you didn't even say anything.

Blog - What should I have said?

Michael - You could have said something about how crazy it must have been for me!

Blog - It was crazy for you.

Michael - I know!

Blog - I know you know.

Michael - So why didn't you say anything???

Blog - I didn't feel the need to.

Michael - WHY NOT??!!

Blog - You're starting to get weird.

Michael - NO I'M NOT!

Blog - Lower your voice please.

Michael - I HATE YOU.

Blog - Michael. You need to calm down.

(Michael pouts.)

Blog - You want to pout? Fine. You can pout.

Michael - I KNOW I CAN.

Blog - Alright. Go ahead and pout. Just, hear me out.

(no response)

Blog - Are you listening?

Michael - No.

Blog - Good. Now. Michael. Just because you write something in me, doesn't mean that other people are going to feel inclined to respond.

Michael - Why not?

Blog - Sometimes just reading it is enough for them.

Michael - But how do I know whether or not they read it?

Blog - They're reading.

Michael - You don't know that.

Blog - No. You're right. But, you can't force people to respond.

Michael - Why?

Blog - Well, for starters, you are a blog poster, not a dictator.

Michael - What?

Blog - Listen. I understand. You want to know that people are reading. You want to feel more connected to the readers. You want to know what people think about what you are writing, because it makes you feel special when they respond to your writing. Right?

Michael - RIGHT!

Blog - That's a very honest response.

Michael - So then why aren't they?

Blog - Ther've been a few.

Michael - NOT ENOUGH.

Blog - Michael ...

Michael - Is it because I'm not special?

Blog - No.

Michael - Maybe it is.

(pause)

Michael - It COULD be, right?

(a shorter pause)

Michael - RIGHT???!!!

(the Blog sighs)

Blog - Michael. You are. You're special. Everyone is special, Michael.

Michael - NO. I want to be the MOST special.

Blog - Well, that's just not possible.

Michael - WHY?

Blog - There is no such thing as someone who is the MOST special.

Michael - My Mom used to say that I was the MOST special. I grew up always thinking that was true, Blog, but now I'm starting to really question her, and its really scary when you start to question your Mom, y'know? Because you spend your entire growing up years never questioning anything your Mom says, but then you become an adult and you start entering 'reality' and then all of the sudden you start to realize that maybe some of those things weren't really actually true. Like, maybe its not actually true that I WAS the MOST special, y'know blog? Y'know? And now I just sort of feel confused all the time, because what happens when you grow up feeling so so so so so sure about one thing but then you get older and that kind of turns into an "i'm not so sure about that" thing. Like, just as I start to maybe think I'm really special because something really great happens, then all of the sudden that great thing will turn into a not-so-great thing and I sort of lose site of what was great about the great thing in the first place. Like the world is playing a trick on me. Or like, maybe my Mom was just playing a trick on me to really screw me up. Know what I mean, Blog? What do you think about that, Blog?

Blog - Well, Michael, I think you are dealing with some complicated questions.

Michael - I know Blog. I know. Mom's suck, hey Blog?

Blog - No, Mom's are pretty great.

Michael - Yeah. They're the best--no! I mean, no, they suck!

Blog - Without your Mom, Michael, you wouldn't be here.

Michael - I know! What the hell, hey? I didn't ask to be here!

Blog - No, someone else asked you to be here.

Michael - They did? Who?

Blog - You tell me.

(Michael thinks for a second)

Michael - God?

Blog - well... no, Michael, it was actually Open Book: Toronto who asked you to be here.

Michael - Open Book: Toronto wanted me born?

Blog - In a sense ... yes.

(Michael thinks about that)

Michael - WOW. That's fuckin' crazy.

Blog - It certainly is.

(Michael is feels a moment of appreciating for the insanity of the world)

Blog - How yah doing now?

Michael - I'm doing .... okay! I think.

Blog - Feeling any more special?

Michael - I think I am!

Blog - Great. And how are you feeling about me?

Michael - You ...?

(Michael Thinks)

Michael - I think ... I think I love you!

Blog - Wonderful.

(Michael hugs Blog and cries a bit.)

Blog - That's right. Thaaaaat's right.

Michael - Thank-you Blog, for everything!

Blog - Thank-YOU, Michael. Can I go back to my life now?

Michael - Okay.

(Blog starts to leave ...)

Michael - Oh! Blog!?

Blog - Yes, Michael.

Michael - Would you mind, maybe, just posting a few more replies?

Blog - Michael ...

Michael - I know, I know! Just, it would just really be nice for me if you did that.

(The Blog ponders)

Blog - I'm not going to guarantee anything ... but I'll try, okay?

Michael - Awesome.

Blog - No guarantees.

Michael - Totally cool. No guarantees. Got it. You're the best.

(Michael hugs Blog again. Blog does nothing but wait for Michael to finish his hug. Michael finishes the hug. We see in Michael's eyes that he is on the verge of crying again.)

Michael - I don't know what it is about you, Blog ... I just love you SO much.

Blog - That's nice.

Michael - But sometimes I hate you too.

Blog - That's okay.

Michael - It is?

Blog - Yup.

Michael - Why?

Blog - I've got to go.

Michael - Why?

Blog - Bye Michael.

Michael - But--!

(Blog is gone. Michael stands by himself. He takes a deep breath.)

2 comments

* Schnoo is sitting at her desk, in the empty office, sipping coffee. As she sorts through her inbox, a slow smile plays upon her lips. She is thinking of last night. It was a late night, but she isn't tired this morning. Her fingers worked some magic, and her eyebrow arches at the memory of her actions. She is feeling calm, and deeply satisfied. Her mind is still humming. She is grateful to have finally found someone she can share a quiet universe with. Someone who has an endless capacity to listen to her. To encourage her to dream, and play, and make up stories. Someone who is always there; still, silent, steady. She steals away from the home page of her company website to visit her blog. Her placid, beautiful blog, and tenderly she raises one little hand to touch the screen...*

http://adventuresinschnooville...

As per the tweet, your "Well, for starters, you are a blog poster, not a dictator" is perfection. I know you're joking around but in reality, so many folks that need to be reminded of this...(scurries off to make a list)

The views expressed in the Writer-in-Residence blogs are those held by the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of Open Book: Toronto.

Michael Rubenfeld

Michael Rubenfeld is a writer, director, actor and producer. His plays include Present Tense, Spain and My Fellow Creatures.

Go to Michael Rubenfeld’s Author Page