Michael -vs- Blog : THE CHAT
Blog - Hello Michael
Michael - Blog.
Blog - How are you?
Michael - Fine.
Blog - Fine?
Michael - (looking over, eyebrows raised) ... Fine.
Blog - Jus' askin'.
Michael - To which I responded that I was fine.
Blog - Heardja the first time.
Michael - So why did you ... nevermind.
(Michael sits and drinks his coffee while flipping through his New Yorker. Blog sips an herbal tea, looking through the classifieds)
Blog - (reading) "If you're into boobs, I'm your gal. My boobs will keep you bouncing all night long. Call Ruby for some booby."
(Blog picks up the phone and starts to dial)
Michael - What are you doing?
Blog - Calling Ruby.
Michael - No you're not.
Blog - I'm curious.
Michael - Put the phone down.
Blog - But I want to know!
Michael - KNOW WHAT?
Blog - I wanna know what she means by "bouncing all night long".
Michael - Do we need to have the chat?
Blog - What chat.
Michael - The one in which I explain to you what people do?
Blog - OH! I LOVE that chat.
Michael - Blog.
Blog - Yah?
Michael - Really? Do we really need to go over this again?
Blog - I can ask Ruby and her booby.
Michael - No, you can't ask Ruby or her booby.
Blog - So tell me.
(Michael sighs. He closes his New Yorker, puts away his Harpers, Walrus, Beaver and literary journals.)
Michael - Alright. When a man and a woman--
Blog - SEX! Its SEX isn't it. SEX SEX SEX!
(Beat)
Blog - IS IT SEX?
Michael - Yes.
Blog - SEX!
(beat)
Michael - Blog.
Blog - Sex!
Michael - Stop it.
Blog - Seeeex
Michael - BLOG!
Blog - Yeh?
Michael - You didn't actually need "the chat", did you.
Blog - ... sex.
Michael - You didn't, did you.
Blog - ... no.
(beat)
Michael - So you lied to me.
Blog - You were the one who said we should have a chat.
Michael - THE chat. THE CHAT.
Blog - How am I supposed to you know what THE Chat is?
Michael - Because we've had this chat many many times.
(beat)
Michael - Right?
(blog looks down)
Michael - Riiiiight??
Blog - Yeh.
Michael - So ... why did you lie?
Blog - Well ... its just ... sometimes it feels like the only time we get to chat is when we're having THE chat.
Michael - That's not true.
Blog - It is! You're always so busy reading stuff or doing stuff or ... whatever it is you do.
Michael - I have a lot on my plate.
Blog - WHAT ABOUT ME?
Michael - I'm right here.
Blog - Sometimes I feel like you don't really see me.
Michael - Here we go.
Blog - See! See! THAT! I hate it when you do that. I am Always there for you. ALWAYS! Whenever you need me I'm here. I NEVER EVER make you feel bad about yourself. And when I come to you with one request. ONE REQUEST--that we chat more than when its THE CHAT--you condescend me. You make me feel small. You make me feel insignificant. You make me feel unworthy. You make me feel bad.
(Blog picks up the phone)
Michael - What are you doing.
Blog - None of your business.
Michael - Are you calling Ruby?
Blog - No.
Michael - Don't call Ruby.
Blog - Shut up.
Michael - Blog.
Blog - If you can't get me bouncing, maybe RUBY can.
Michael - You're not going to bounce with Ruby.
Blog - I'll do whatever I want.
Michael - Put the phone down.
Blog - Make me.
Michael - I will.
Blog - I dare you.
Michael - Be careful what you wish for.
Blog - Oh I will.
Michael - Fine.
Blog - Come on, big boy--whatcha got?
(Michael pounces on Blog and rips the phone from Blog's hands)
Blog - What? That's all?
Michael - Shut up!
Blog - MAKE ME!
(Michael Kisses blog)
(Blog is shocked)
(So is Michael)
(Michael gets up off of blog. He takes a seat back at the table. He takes out a magazine and starts to read it. Blog remains on the floor, still in a daze.)
Blog - Michael?
Michael - Yeah?
Blog - What just happened?
Michael - Hm?
(Michael continues to read.)
Blog - Michael?
(Michael does not respond.)
Blog - Miiiichael??
(Lights down.)
Blog - ... Michael?