Trillium Book Awards Author Reading 2015

Canadian Poet On Call (Blackberry, iPhone can't crack Canadian Poets market)

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By Nathaniel G. Moore (his new column, Nathaniel G. Moore's Conflict of Interest, starts now)

Canadian Poetry Month begins on April Fools' Day but the joke may be on the tech phone networks who simply can't crack the Canadian Poetry market. "They don't have much use for a phone. I mean, our studies are showing a significant drop in actual contact to Canadian poets. They also don't make a lot of calls," says one marketing expert at a phone company who shall remain nameless.

However, the Canadian government is reacting in timely style, declaring something big is going to happen to Canadian poetry next year. "Not since Scott Griffin himself announced the creation of the largest prize for poetry will poets be talked about with such prestige and honour," states the missive. "With new buildings, ceremonies and festivities springing up all over the city, sometimes you just need a poet there to read a poem, to bring poise, dignity and respect to a given event, and sometimes they're not available. Mainly because most Canadian poets don't have phones."

The lengthy statement goes on to discuss a new technology program where poets will learn how to send texts and use Blackberries, iPhones and traditional cellphones. "The rotary culture of the Canadian poet is a drawback, not only to sales, but to simply being able to get in touch with a poet the night before a big event. It has happened far too often," said a government spokesperson.

So, the government is planning a new thirty dollar initiative to have an official Canadian Poet On Call shortlist, just in case a poet is needed one night. In the meantime, here's a list including poetry events you can check out here in the city, where the future of on-call Canadian poetry will be thriving, reading and living large.

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